You may be more in love than Will is with Kate, but that doesn’t shift this fact: every relationship can be improved – and that’s because it’s constantly changing, as are the two people inside it.
“One small change can sometimes make a difference to a lot of big things,” says Relationships Australia in it’s ‘Making Positive Changes’ guide. “Relationships need to be looked after.”
In my opinion, it’s hard to go past this advice from Dr Tim Sharp, a Sydney-based psychologist and founder of The Happiness Institute. Choose one and make it your resolution for 2012. There’s nothing to lose and everything to gain:
Commit to making an effort
I remember hearing a groom’s wedding speech once that was surprisingly honest. He said that he and his new wife weren’t ‘soul mates’, but people who chose to stay and make something amazing from what they had.
As Sharp writes: “Fulfilling relationships have little do with luck and more to do with a willingness to make the relationship a priority and make a focused effort.”
Make sure you, as an individual, are satisfied
If you’re not happy, it’s more than likely this will impact things in the house of love. “Ensure you are satisfied with who you are… and with other aspects of your life (eg. work). A relationship is more likely to be successful if it consists of two, complete individuals, compared to relationships in which one partner is relying on the relationship to make themselves ‘whole’,” says Sharp.
Become a grade-A listener
The best superpower? Hands down, it’s mind-reading, but superpowers are sadly the stuff of comic books. “Try to keep calm when discussing things with your partner, don’t forget to listen (communication is 2-way!), and be specific in describing your feelings or needs.”
Relationships Australia has more good thoughts on this top-notch resolution:
What makes a good listener:
Someone who…
- Keeps comfortable eye contact
- Lets the other person speak without interruption
- Has an open, non-defensive body position – a relaxed posture
- Avoids distracting gestures, such as fidgeting
- Mutes phones and other communication devices to ensure that they really are listening
- Is genuinely interested
Focus on your lover
“The happiest of relationships involve both partners striving to ensure the happiness and wellbeing of the other one. Make it routine to go out of your way to do something for your partner’s sake that won’t directly benefit you,” says Sharp.
Now the creative part is over to you.
I’d love to hear your best relationship resolutions. What little changes have made your love-fest heavier on the love, lower on the fest?
References available upon request